That I'm really into metacognition. I mean, I really like to think about things- creating worries when they might not even be there. The one that's stuck with me lately is HOW AM I GOING TO DO THIS? Almost as though I'm posing as a teacher and I don't even know what I'm actually doing. I'm putting on this act and no one else knows it's a farce but me.
I sit as teachers older and wider than me tell me how I should organize my curriculum, afraid to voice my own opinion. I'm reverting back to the Meg I used to be in times of crisis- forgetful, negative, uninspired. I think so much about thinking that I can't even find joy in what I'm doing.
My pledge to myself is this: I've got to give myself grace right now, raspy throat and all. Just because I'm 26 doesn't mean that I have to save the world, rescue my friends, have every first grader reading flawlessly by the end of the year, have a boyfriend. Rather, it's as Lunden says, time for me to realize "Meg, you have an amazing life." One that is full of adventures- going to the library book sale before it closes, sitting at Revolution cafe enjoying the hottest day of the year, trying to figure out if a masters degree is in the cards for me right now, collecting as many books as I can (not knowing if that will fill a shipping container or not). Being me- welcoming, friendly, caring. Spending time with people my own age. Realizing that I'm not ready to be a mom. And trying to figure out how to emerge from this turbulence as an adult on the other side- confident, competent, connected. An adventure being survival- on my bike, on the road of life, physically and emotionally.
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