NYE

I hate New Years, not that I hate it, it's just lots of expectation rolled up into one night that is never what I think it will be. But, I'll be around people I love and who I know care about me, even if there isn't someone there who I think wants to make out with me at midnight.

Anyways, I was inspired by my friend Emily's blog about what she did, a year in review of sorts. I'll try to think of all that I can remember from 2009, my first full year of blogging, living in my apartment, teaching at French-American, and working with middle schoolers and first time traveling to a developing country.

1/09- Interview at Berkeley, getting excited about other teaching programs in the Bay Area. An epic ski trip to Sugar Bowl (my first New Year's that I enjoyed myself) and bonding with the YUTES over a ski retreat/dance party.

2/09- Hopeful about new friends and relationships. The City Church retreat, feeling connected to others. Learning more about myself through a Reimagine workshop.

3/09- Not getting into Berkeley. Having great friends from high school visit to quelch my disappointment.

4/09- Going home for Easter, spending time with friends in New York from high school and college. Seeing an exhibit that boosted my artistic confidence.

5/09- My birthday. I felt loved and special by my friends here. Tacky prom party turned dramatic, but worth it in the end.

6/09- Fog begins. School is over, start Camp Meg and getting ready for Africa. Travel to SLO, made some intense realizations about myself and my tendencies to assume overly anxious behavior.

7/09- Travel to Africa. Thus began the changing of my worldview, learning that I have so much and figuring out how I specifically want to give back. Experiencing God in a completely new way. Dreaming about the possibilities of going back. Having a hard time once I got back, readjusting to life in the city.

8/09- The more I babysit, the more that I realize I don't know if a) I ever want to have kids and b) would want to raise them in the city. Starting to paint again, finding my inner artistic creativity once more.

9/09- Going back to school, working with a new teacher, running full-speed ahead. Realizing that things won't be the same as they were last year. Evaluating community group.

10/09- My parents' visit, Halloween (Where the Wild Things Are), turning in paper after paper. Thrilled to have new friends from school that I can bond with the whole teaching experience over. Saying goodbye to a close friend. Feeling both isolated and in community with those around me at a music festival.

11/09- Confronted with a hard truth about my progress in counseling. Getting sick on Thanksgiving, only to realize I need to take better care of myself. Time spent with other families, that make me realize that sometimes I'm homesick because I live far away. Learning how to reach out to others who I think need my help, but also knowing that I can't fix them. Dealing with criticism after a harsh but seemingly accurate review from my supervisor. Pleasantly surprised by other people, only to become crushed in disappointment when they don't live up to my expectations.

12/09- Finishing the semester, feeling loved by the kids at school and their families through their generosity, reconnecting with friends that I felt I hadn't seen all semester. Enjoying the time spent at home with my family. Reconnecting with people I hadn't seen since high school and starting to realize how petty my insecurities were back then. Feeling like I want to trust God wholeheartedly, after how He's provided for me through this past year. Acquiring confidence to lead community group.

I realize in writing this how much I tend to focus on relationships, being liked and creating harmony with those around me. That's one of the main threads running through my year: what I did, with whom, and when. But I also grew a lot, learning more about myself and the world around me. Knowing that I am in San Francisco for a specific purpose, learning to be an educator who will facilitate reform and inspire others.