Is what I've been playing since being at Katie's lake house last weekend and realizing the audacity of what I've gotten myself into. I've basically moved most of my things into storage, including my classrooms, lugged two bags of luggage across the country, begun thinking about my new job, and said goodbye to many who won't be in San Francisco when I get back. It's been a long month, a long two weeks, figuring all of this out.
In North Carolina now, I'm starting to realize how much I am giving up. I missed my roommate Rachael's bday yesterday, I'm not going to see my favorite French-American families everyday next year, I won't be able to speak French on a daily basis. I'm going to have to confront my fears and create things this summer even if I think I can't right now. I'm going to have to step into a new public school and start over my career as educator at ground zero. I'm going to try and manage a long-distance relationship, even when I don't even feel capable of having a relationship with someone who lives across the street from me.
There are good things in the midst of all of the transition: driving solo across beautiful parts of the US (Yosemite to the mountains of Cashiers), reconnecting with the south and realizing how friendly everyone is, feeling taken care of by families that don't even know me, and knowing that I'm doing this, even though at times it seemed impossible.
I'm excited, scared, anxious, calm, ready, all at the same time.
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