This has been coming up for me a lot lately- in sermons, devotionals, friends- just about every medium that God can use to show me that I actually have to ask Him for what I want, as opposed to just assuming that He'll take care of it or will show me what He has.
Yesterday, I experienced highs and lows- highs from having community to spend the day with (celebrating 5 different holidays in one), a middle schooler to fend off pillows with at the Pillow fight, neighbors to play Baci ball with in the park, a church that I wanted to spend 5 hours at where they play Sufjan Stevens because I wasn't ready to go home and be by myself. Highs from eating Chinese in Chinatown on Chinese New Year with 16 others, feeling known, and our friend Nick being thankful for his friends on his birthday. Lows from feeling like I always mess up relationships, that I'm unlovable, that I can't remember to charge my camera battery or keep all of my stuff together. Lows from feeling like I will never have a date on Valentine's Day, that I'll just continue this trajectory of wanting desperately to be liked, only to fall flat on my face every time I like someone and he doesn't like me back.
So, if I Ask, Seek, Knock that I'll have a date at one point on Valentine's Day, does that mean that God has to come through for me in that way? No, my roommate Lisa told me yesterday God was providing for me in the little ways- the highs, reminding me that He loved me even though I only had my parents and six-year-olds as Valentines this year, showing me His love through Sufjan and community.
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