And I've been awake for the past 2 hours, thinking about Africa. And watching a movie while thinking about Africa. I was hopeful that Zooey Deschanel and Joseph Gordon-Levitt could help distract me from my feelings of jetlag and excess.
I thought I was doing so well yesterday: I went to the grocery store, saw friends, rode the bus, got the mail that I had somehow forgotten to give my roommates the key to collect over the past 2 weeks. But amidst all of it was a sadness and nudging towards change. Things didn't affect me the way that they used to. When I was tired, I went home. When a friend asked me to go to yoga, I said no. When Claudia brought up boys, I wouldn't let myself be self-deprecating. I was happy for my friends in beginning relationships, new living situations, upcoming weddings. I set boundaries and stuck to them. I didn't worry about being the people-pleaser that I normally am. I was okay being the ever-crazy, loyal, hilarious while not trying to be, Meg Garner. The one who explained to Claudia's new roommates why we balance each other out so well. The one trying to communicate with her family about how much Africa meant to her and how much she wants them to experience it with her in the near future.
The house is quiet, the light shines through Lisa's room and our common area, flooding the hallway. No one, not even our upstairs neighbors, are awake. Everyone is at peace, but I'm the only one awake, processing. But I'm okay with that, I just got home from Africa.
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