I leave in 36 hours. I had a dream Friday night about how I missed my flight because I got on one a day early, the plane had to keep taking off and landing, and I was going to end up in Detroit with no where to go for a day until my plane to Amsterdam. I was thinking about calling my aunt and uncle who live nearby, but they were busy with a band gig.
I'm alone in my apartment and at first, the silence was welcoming. Now, it's overwhelming and anxiety-provoking. I'm not sure if I should try and cram more things into my suitcase or read over the list again at things I should bring. I'm probably going to forget something, I know that much, I'm not the world's best traveler. My dad calls me a gypsy, but I think he's still reeling from the time that I threw down my suitcase at him from the top of the escalator while on a family vacation in Texas.
I don't know what to expect. I told my friend Pryor yesterday that all I hope for is to have someone that I can connect with on the trip and some sort of action that God can use me while I'm there. I don't know what the day-to-day will look like or how I will feel. All of this alone time beforehand has been good for challenging my mind and trying to establish inner-peace, something I struggle with daily.
I like to be around people because they give me some kind of jumping off point. Like I'm not as terrible as I somehow make myself out to be in my head. And interacting with others gives me inspiration to do the things that I want to do by myself. Teaching a friend to knit makes me want to knit more. Sharing time with families makes me want one of my own someday. Going to a museum with friends strengthens my creativity. I don't know if I'm capable of action by myself.
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