Me plus you equals us*

I've started the last two posts and haven't gotten further than the first 2 sentences. Something about my life recently makes me jump around from activity to activity, not being able to invest completely in what I'm doing. I get easily distracted and even the act of examen, reflecting back on the positive experiences from our day and where we felt God at work in a particular situation, sends my head spinning. I lie awake at night, pondering everything from relationships (I'm tested everyday on my boundaries and my tendencies to put others first), to my future (teaching seems like an insane choice, given how exhausting and taxing it can be). On Wednesday night, I lay awake for two hours, just feeling anxious about some situations more than others. The previous night, I had a nightmare which brought to light some of my most fervent anxieties. I was exhausted from processing through the feelings that the dream had brought up and all I wanted to do was drift soundly off to sleep. I tried everything, listening to a podcast, deep breathing exercises, sleeping medication.
I finally fell asleep around 2 AM, but I awoke the next day still frazzled and uneasy. I want to wake up each day and read my devotional, absorbing the words and promises that God has for me. But somehow along the way, running to the number 5 bus, managing 18 first-graders, filling out job applications, analyzing text messages, I get lost in self-pity for myself and my confidence is shaken.
I want to be able to embrace where I'm at at this very moment in time, having free time this weekend and energy to expend doing the things that I enjoy. I want to be okay with resting in the middle of a Saturday afternoon, if that's what I need to do. Somehow along the way, I let the incoming flux of messages from those around me bleat out the still quiet voice of my own.
*Credit for title given to the great Magret Rockers