Feeling loved

I just got a rice krispie treat heart, with a smiley face on it, from my roommate. It was the act of thinking about someone else and doing something genuine that made me feel like I was important enough for someone to bake for me and write me a card. All week long, I struggled with thinking that I was important enough for someone to care: would my friends come to the re-Imagine art show?, would the kids remember to give a Valentine to their English teaching assistant?, would I feel alone and vulnerable on Valentine's Day?
I didn't feel unlovable from any of the situations. My exposed self came to fruition at the art show, when I was able to be vulnerable in front of an audience of supporters. From the minute that I arrived at the church on Friday, my frazzled, sugar-high, strung out self became someone that could pull herself together. I tried not to dwell on who would come to the show or what I was wearing or how my work measured up to the other's there. Rather, I enjoyed the company of those around me and the overall ambiance. I always find myself doubting motives of other people and thinking that I've let them down in some way; for example, did the brunch place where I took everyone after church meet everyone's expectations?
Yesterday, I shared the day with friends, some new and old. Throughout the day, I felt like I could be myself and did not for a minute think, "Gosh, I wish that I have someone doting on me today." Their love, and God's, for once, was enough.
And yet, I have a hard time believing that others love me and accept me regardless of my actions. Today felt like I had to win the approval of my friends. Maybe after a good day always comes a day when I question my own happiness and source of contentment.
I'm grappling with what to do with my time and energy this next week that I have off. I feel lost, without direction, but more than anything, I want to figure out more ways that I can love myself, love others, feel God's love and that of others. It's not about getting done all of the things that I have written down on my to-do list to accomplish before Friday. It's more about letting myself control the days and the time that I have set before me. Feeling inspired, rested, energized, and loved.