Today

Today equals feeling overwhelmed most of the time. Staring at the walls of my school and the bathroom stall, wondering how I will make it through the rest of the day.
Sitting in the sunshine and soaking in the warmth on the rooftop. Feeling like I was at my prime.
Today equals kids telling you that they have a dream... that they will have purple faces and that the sky will rain money, even though you desperately try to express to them that it's a dream that will benefit everyone like Martin Luther King's did, not just themselves.
Today equals overloading my schedule, running from place to place, feeling the unpredictable pull of the weekend as the week slows to an end.
Today equals feeling like I will never accomplish all that I have set out to do. Receiving unfinished canvases in the mail that I'm not sure that I will ever get around to. Already opened oil paints from university. Even though I'm trying to inspire creativity, I know that it's something that I cannot force. When I have the time to invest in myself, it's the last thing I feel like doing. When I have committed myself to next week and beyond, I want to run to the nearest white wall and start painting.
Today equals the fact that I'm a fully functioning adult, I can do my laundry, clean my room, and act as though for a brief moment, that I have my life together.
Today equals laughing hysterically at an amateur attempt to produce a movie, a flashback to high school, when with Teague, Trish, and Alexa, I tried to create a plausible dinosaur film. We went on location in our neighborhood and reenacted an archeological dig. We even choreographed a dance to celebrate our findings. I remember how the afternoons spent creating the films, laughing until my stomach ached, were one of my childhood contents. The actual unveiling of the film is never as grandiose as the anticipation leading up to it.
Today equals seeing myself on camera, "Do I really look like that?" and feeling the same way when I would watch home videos with my family. The translation of my face to the screen is never as I had expected.
Today equals moments when I don't know where I fit. Do I really live in San Francisco and walk its streets and ride its MUNI each day? Have I lived in the city long enough to recognize bus drivers, passengers, and run into ten parents and kids that I know on my way to work?
Today equals Thursday. As a tween, I remember relentlessly persuading my mom into watching "Friends," after making it through the academic week. As a college student, I would sit glued to the TV, knitting with others and watching the drama of "The OC" unfold. As a turbulent twenty-something, I know resist watching yet another "Grey's Anatomy," resting from the week or thrusting myself into a San Francisco cultural experience.
Today equals January 15, 2009.